Couples Therapy

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Relationships are complex. When you ADHD into the equation, patterns often emerge that can leave both partners feeling frustrated, misunderstood, and disconnected.I help couples from cycles of blame and shame to genuine understanding and connection.

 

In many relationships where ADHD is present (in one or both partners), a familiar pattern develops: one partner gradually takes on more responsibilities - remembering appointments, managing finances, keeping track of everything. They become the "over-functioner," often feeling like a parent rather than a partner. The other partner, often the one with ADHD, increasingly feels criticized, inadequate, and ashamed. Their core wound - "something's wrong with me" - gets triggered repeatedly.

 

Both partners end up exhausted and hurt:

• The over-functioning partner feels unseen, unappreciated, and burned out

• The ADHD partner feels constantly judged and never good enough

• Intimacy suffers as resentment builds

• Small issues become major conflicts

• Both wonder where their love went

 

What's Really Happening

 

These patterns aren't about lack of love or commitment. They're about two nervous systems trying to connect while speaking different languages. When we don't understand ADHD's impact on relationships, we take things personally that aren't personal at all.

 

How I Can Help

 

Using Internal Family Systems, and other modalities, we explore how different parts of each partner get activated:

• The part of you that over-functions to feel safe

• The part that shuts down when criticized

• The protective parts that create distance

• The vulnerable parts that just want to be loved

 

When couples understand each other's parts - and the good intentions behind difficult behaviors - everything shifts. You stop being adversaries and become allies facing challenges together.

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What We'll Work On

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• Understanding ADHD's real impact - separating brain wiring from character flaws

• Rebalancing the relationship - finding ways to share responsibilities that work for both brains

• Healing core wounds - addressing the "not good enough" and "I have to do everything" stories

• Creating new patterns - practical strategies that honor both partners' needs

• Rebuilding connection - finding your way back to why you chose each other

 

A Different Future Is Possible

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I've seen couples transform these painful dynamics into deeper understanding and connection. When you stop fighting against ADHD and start working with it, when you understand each other's parts and wounds, you can create a relationship that works for both of you.

Your differences don't have to divide you. They can become a source of balance, growth, and even playfulness in your relationship.